Since I woke up and began writing while still in my PJs and Bucks T-shirt, it was afternoon by the time I finished writing an article that deserved more than its allotted space. I hard-scrabbled it down to a shell of its former self, satisfied that while imperfect, it is as good as it will get given the time.
So while I wait for the latest MacOS High Karate to upload to my laptop, writing with a pen in one of a stack of 50 new spiral notebooks that I bought when they were on sale at Wally World 10 for $10 about four years ago, I’m attempting to soak off the old gel nails from my left hand with 100 percent acetone which I realized in the wee hours of last night I had neglected to keep on hand and that required a trip to the drug store today to purchase. Damn it.
Unshowered and looking unkempt, I deodorized, put on a fresh blouse and my Lauren Conrad printed leggings, a pair of slides and my old jeans jacket (not my best look) to venture to the local RiteAid for acetone. After pondering the poor selection of available nail polish colors, I opted out and headed to the registers to pay for the bottle of acetone where Gertrude yelled to the only other cashier for assistance, flustered by the line of four mildly irritated patrons.
Pleased that no one I knew saw me shopping, I hurried to the car, stopped at the florist to order a bouquet for a friend and returned to the home office.
I gathered the cotton balls, acetone and nail clips and prepared my left hand. The acetone bottle label set in random position before me revealed what I presume is the RiteAid slogan: ‘look great feel great’ (all lowercase) above its 100% money back guarantee.
I snarfed my coffee.
I mean, I get it. It’s a slogan; one probably spitballed at a meeting of the best and brightest branding minds in the marketing department, run by focus groups, and approved by the management and shareholders who voted for it based on recommendations buried deep in the annual report. Considering that the only alternative nail polish removal method is the Dremel 4000 (read: dangerous equipment), it’s just hard to imagine a scenario in which acetone (read: some kind of poison) would make me look greater or feel greater.
This thought of course, made me examine the label further.
Turns out that 100% acetone consists of the following ingredients: acetone and denatonium benzoate. Um…excuse me. Question in the back of the room!
I think I need to resurrect those old Ross Perot pie-charts and graphs. While I never claimed to be strong in the STEM fields, I thought 100% still represents a whole? Maybe you MIT-Silicon Valley or chemistry types can clarify that for me.
Well, my High Karate operating system is ready to roll. Got more writing to do!