Pulling the Short Straw on Black Friday

Because most local retailers decided to capitalize by opening early on Thanksgiving evening, those human popsicles stirred into a materialistic frenzy, clamoring outside, anxiously awaiting the opening in search of the quintessential Holy Grail of bargains, succumbed to an anti-climactic start of their holiday shopping season.

Having taken a “Seasonal Associate” position at the local department store, Stick Chick pulled the 2 a.m. to 10 a.m. doorbuster shift on Black Friday; AKA the short straw. Counting herself lucky to be merely sleep-deprived and held to a single shift straight through the night rather than a split shift as several of her compatriots, she made the following observations.

1. People still crave the Magic Bullet and are willing to shop for it at 3 o’clock in the morning.

Magic Bullet As Seen on TV
Magic Bullet As Seen on TV

2. Doorbuster shoppers appear laser-guided on their mission to make purchases even if the items are of questionable quality (made in China) with little apparent regard to the usefulness or need for said items.

3. Black Friday shoppers are not browsing for anything; they are hunting.