Sidebar: My Modest Proposal

I read with dismay the article by Kenneth Justice who laments a coffee-induced conversation he had with a young mother about her child’s use of public restrooms. It’s not Justice’s article that put a hitch in my giddyup, it’s that the occasion to write it ever presented itself in the first place. How long will these distractions continue?

While online comments revealed some technical difficulties, those added (to date) contain Common Sense (see also Thomas Paine et.al “These are the times that try men’s souls.”)

North Carolina passage of HB2 is merely the news-of-the-day place where common sense has gone the way of the dodo. There are larger issues at hand. There, governmental holier-than-thou types have lost all reason, so zealous are they who (for fear of child molestation, sexual impropriety, or LGBT-phobias) have legislated public bathroom protocol.

In effect, they took (under the umbrella of so-called privacy concerns) vastly different topics: elimination of waste, sexual preference, gender identity, perversion, privacy, solicitation and child endangerment and tossed them into a Cuisinart as if they’re all one in the same. This came from at best a place of misinformation, at worst bigotry, but the results in either case can be devastating if taken to the extreme.

Can’t we all just pee in peace?!?!?!?

Entertainers and corporations that find North Carolina’s HB2 offensive have boycotted and cancelled plans to do business in the state. The governor is considering modifying that legislation due to the backlash (and I question his motivation now that the dress has gone the way of Some Like it Hot.)

Consider the opinion of @LauraJaneGrace front (transgender) woman rocker of Against Me! whose band refused to cancel plans to play in NC. As a matter of protest against the law and in solidarity with North Carolina residents who must live with it, the show will go on.

If you believe what you read on BuzzFeed, Grace said, “I think the real danger with HB2 is that it creates a target on transgender people specifically.”

I agree. The threat to which Grace alludes here is far more likely to be one of violence directed squarely upon dysphoric individuals who do not identify with the pants or the dresses to which they have been internationally assigned.

Photo Courtesy: officesigncompany.com
Photo Courtesy: officesigncompany.com

The Washington Post cited North Carolina Governor McCrory as defending the bill saying, it “provided protection of our basic expectation of privacy in public restrooms and locker rooms.”

As far as I can tell, people have never had a “basic expectation of privacy” in public bathrooms. My experience has been quite the opposite. To wit I submit: wracked and dislocated doors and associated locking mechanisms, overstated gaps between stationary panels and stall doors with the requisite strategically placed mirrors, overused and under-repaired connecting hardware, the ever-disintegrating grout which renders cheesy little plastic wall mollies useless, and don’t even get me started on accidental intrusions.

I’d also add that at any large public event, when the lines to the restrooms are particularly long, I couldn’t care less who is in front of me so long as he or she gets in, gets out and moves on post haste!

Showering
Don’t even think it!

According to the party line, North Carolinians should have been concerned about THEIR privacy all along; that transgender individuals might somehow have had, until now, so much free time while answering nature’s call to concern themselves with everyone else’s genitals. PUH-leeez!

Doesn’t that defeat the whole “blending in” and presenting as one gender or another anyway?

North Carolinians take note of my Modest Proposal, which does not require the braising of even one child. (See Jonathan Swift)

I propose you use your tax dollars to fund the installation of cameras in all public restrooms. Enlist the help of the gurus (you know who you are) to provide live internet streaming with the promise of commercial sponsorship so the whole thing can become self-funded.

Oh follow me on this one!

We can all watch each other, the comings and goings, who has what and so on, forever available for all to observe, 24/7. With time, we’ll all become desensitized. I give it a week. The differences between us in answering nature’s call publicly will seem…well, silly so we can move on to address other pressing matters.
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