Some days, skittering about the interweb makes me crazy.
Our collective shorter attention spans have perpetuated the myriad of advice in the form of alleged be-all-end-all lists. It’s as if some overlord thinks we need a numbered list in order to accomplish any task.
Sure writing for the web in economized bites helps the many who ingest info from their cells or tablets. Sure it’s easier on the eyes, but I think the pendulum has swung too far to one side.
I don’t mind telling you I’m a little freaked out when a Google search of “10 ways” suggests these four things I may be looking for:
10 ways to survive a zombie apocalypse
10 ways to die
10 ways to love
10 ways to kill a toad
Clearly Google misread the chip they implanted in my brain. I already know how to survive a zombie apocalypse, and just in case, I’ll save you the effort of searching to find out. Simply break out the Girl Scouts’ Thin Mints cookies that you have been hiding in the back of the freezer, and make a trail of them leading to the end of the line at the DMV. That ought to keep them busy whilst you make your exit.
As to the second point, I’m neither suicidal nor am I plotting a murder that you know of, so frankly I’m insulted. As a creative type, I would have expected the suggestion 10 spectacular ways to die, or 10 ways to die and take cool stuff with you. An even more impressive suggestion of 10 ways accomplish every dream and aspiration before you die, would have at least offered a little hope for crying out loud.
10 ways to love instantly inspires anger, not because I’m a hater, but because the Google algorithm writers think I need pointers. I can think of 50 ways easily.
Finally, I don’t have any issue with toads, I can’t tell you the last time I saw one (which may indicate someone else hunted this before I got to it,) though it does bring to mind The Flying Frog, which as you know lives on.