If These Experiments Continue, I’ll Never be a Pilot

Recently, I read about a scientific project conducted by the Technical University of Munich. Their tests allow a pilot to control a plane merely by thinking commands while wearing an electroencephalography cap.

Stylish and sexy, these caps make for one heck of a conversation starter.

Photo Courtesy: Lehrstuhls für Flugsystemdynamik; Guillermo Falconi mit einer EEG Kappe im Flugsimulator zum Hirngesteuerten Fliegen Foto: Andreas Heddergott / Verwendung frei fuer die Berichterstattung ueber die TU Muenchen unter Nennung des Copyrights
Photo Courtesy: Lehrstuhls für Flugsystemdynamik; Guillermo Falconi mit einer EEG Kappe im Flugsimulator zum Hirngesteuerten Fliegen
Foto: Andreas Heddergott / Verwendung frei fuer die Berichterstattung ueber die TU Muenchen unter Nennung des Copyrights

However well-perfected these might be, I could not help but think how disastrous such a device would be for someone like me. For one thing, I’ve never worn hats well. My head is too big (on account of the brains.)

But that’s not the real problem. I’m too easily distracted.

SCENE: Small plane idling at the end of a runway. Clear day, minimal wind.

ME: Control Tower, this is zero two niner ready for take off.

CONTROL TOWER: Cleared for take off, go ahead zero two niner.

ME (thinking): Start taxi. Increase engine speed. Steer straight down the runway.

Plane lifts off easily, landing gear up.

CONTROL TOWER: Beautiful take off zero two niner.

ME: Thank you CONTROL.

ME (thinking): Wow, that looks like the shopping center. Who knew that Target paints an actual target on their roof? Imagine if a plane takes a nosedive towards that target?

Plane immediately goes into a nosedive towards the target.

ME: Whoa! Wait, I mean…um straighten out…stop diving!!! No wait, think.

ME (thinking): Stop nosedive. Adjust nose to level with horizon. I’m going to die today.

CONTROL TOWER: Has your EEG cap come off? We detected an auto-MAYDAY.

ME: No.

ME (thinking): But I may need a new flight suit.

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “If These Experiments Continue, I’ll Never be a Pilot

    1. Evidently these are used more often than you think for all sorts of experimentation. A cursory search of images revealed some Python-worthy (read cringe-worthy) photos.

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