Vegetarians Need Not Apply

Early one morning, Stick Chick had another adventure. Given time constraints, she had time only to whip into the parking lot , hop out of the SUV long enough to snap a shot, and zip through the nearest school zone at the break-neck speed of 15 miles an hour.

Something told her that even if the place had been open, Vegetarian Rhubarb Ginger Chutney would not have been on the menu. At first, she considered what might be required when answering the telephone at this fine establishment, and how the conversation might go if some poor soul had the great misfortune to call the wrong number.

“MOO! How may I help you?”

“Did you just moo at me?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Are you insinuating that I’m fat?”

“Of course not. I can’t see you. We don’t have Skype.”

“Who is this?”


“Are you trying to work my last good nerve?”

“No, did you want to place an order?”

“I called to make an appointment.”

“We do not take reservations.”

“Reservations?…Is Dr. Smith in?”

“There are no doctors here, but Clem just stopped in. He has a degree in animal husbandry.”

You see how it could go badly?

Stick Chick decided the place could use a marketing guru to help them highlight the benefits of eating at a place called MOO. But then again, if you find yourself headed to a place called MOO for a meal, your expectations probably don’t include a vast selection of gluten-free, vegan, low-fat, or tree nut free options.

In fact, while recently scouring the menu for healthful alternatives at a national chain eatery, Stick Chick found this ad placed prominently on her table. Clearly, a marketing genius (the polar opposite of the one not working for MOO) cleverly addressed the needs of that specific demographic: the diabetic/alcoholic to alleviate any fear of complicating their Chronic Fatigue or Crohn’s disease. Thank goodness.

Gluten-Free Vodka...oh happy day!
Gluten-Free Vodka…oh happy day!

Like one of her favorite lines from Sunshine Cleaning, she thought, “It’s a business lie, it’s not the same as a life lie.”

What are your thoughts?

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