Scammers Need to Step Up Their Game

I received an email from “my Dad” first thing on Tuesday morning. For the wordsmiths, I’ll call it an emal. I made no changes to it, shown at the bottom in its entirety, except the color of the text.

I responded to his email point-by-point.

Just hoping this email reaches you well, I’m sorry for this emergency and for not informing you about my urgent trip to London-United Kingdom,i came down here to United Kingdom for a short vacation .

Dear Dad,

With all due respect, I am ticked. How could I possibly be well when I’m stuck at school while you trot off to London? Did you even mention this short vacation to Mom? If not, you might want to reconsider your return. At least call the florist in advance.

Call the Florist!

I assume you had a few too many with your bangers and mash at the pub when you decided to write this email because: you seem to (a) be confused about geography, referring to the UK as “down here” as though you arrived from the North Pole, (b) think I am so uniformed that I do not know where on earth London is, (c) apologize for an emergency, and (d) have not had the common decency to use spell check. It’s only two clicks!

Photo Courtesy: http://www.costumekingdom.com

Everything was fine until I was attacked on my way back to the hotel, I wasn’t hurt but I lost my money, bank cards, Cell phones and my bag in the course of this attack.

It is questionable at best that you say you were attacked but uninjured. Is your weekly game of darts simply a cover for your ninja lessons?

Since when do you carry multiple cell phones? I cannot even get you to answer one cell phone because it’s always turned off. You told me that you only keep it in case of an emergency. Kind of ironic, wouldn’t you say?

And what’s this bag you lost? Somehow, I just don’t picture you with a murse.

Photo Courtesy http://www.thefader.com

I immediately contacted my bank in order to block my cards and also made a report at the nearest police station. I’ve been to the embassy and they are helping me with my documentation so i can fly out but I’m urgently in need of some money to pay for my hotel bills and my flight ticket home, will definitely REFUND as soon as back home.

How are you emailing me?

Why didn’t you call me from the police station to ask for money?

How did you get to the embassy?

Let me get this straight. You went on an unannounced vacation (without Mom) and did not think to buy a round-trip ticket? You’re planning on giving me a refund? Since when is paying me back referred to as “a refund”?

Kindly let me know if you would be able to help me out so I can forward you the details required for a wire transfer.

waiting to hear back from you..

Thanks

Bob Jefferson

Have you lost all touch with reality? You end your emergency email like it’s some kind of business letter and then sign it “Bob Jefferson”? Not “Dad”, but your actual name? Isn’t that a little hostile considering you are asking for my help?

Even though your email annoyed me, I thought, “Hey, I’m not busy,” and “Sure, I have plenty of cash for just such an occasion.” I wired one million pounds to a bank in Nigeria. You’ll have it by noon on Wednesday.

Love,

50Figment

Just hoping this email reaches you well, I’m sorry for this emergency and for not informing you about my urgent trip to London-United Kingdom,i came down here to United Kingdom for a short vacation . Everything was fine until I was attacked on my way back to the hotel, I wasn’t hurt but I lost my money, bank cards, Cell phones and my bag in the course of this attack. I immediately contacted my bank in order to block my cards and also made a report at the nearest police station. I’ve been to the embassy and they are helping me with my documentation so i can fly out but I’m urgently in need of some money to pay for my hotel bills and my flight ticket home, will definitely REFUND as soon as back home.

Kindly let me know if you would be able to help me out so I can forward you the details required for a wire transfer.

waiting to hear back from you..

Thanks

Bob Jefferson

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