How To’s I Learned and Tidbits of Wisdom I Got From my Dad

1. How to soap screws

2. How to tell the difference between a wrench and pliers

3. How to maintain utter silence along a quiet brook so as not to scare off the fish you are trying to catch  (I haven’t caught a fish yet, but I’m still young.)

4. How to maintain utter silence when hunting in the woods  (I remain unconvinced that any animals actually live in the woods.)

5. How to shut off the main water supply when the hot water heater springs a leak and floods the place

6. How to exit a vehicle through the window and summon a neighbor for help when the lumber yard guru tied the plywood you picked up so tightly onto the car roof that the doors cannot be opened and you cannot reach the knot in the center of the roof

7. The proper way to tie 4×8 sheets of plywood to the roof of your car

8. How to change the oil in an MGB

9. How to extract yourself from underneath an MGB

10. Never stand up in a canoe.

11. How to right a canoe after it has flipped

Note to self: Avoid wearing a bikini when canoeing.

12. How to get back into a canoe from the water (It’s not as easy as it sounds.)

13. How to do a good Schultz impression a la Hogan’s Heroes

14. Always maintain good sportsmanship even when the opposition doesn’t deserve it.

15. The biggest cereal bowl is best when you are going to eat Cheerios™.

16. Never serve on a committee whose job it is to choose paint colors for a room.

17. Be honest.

18. Give 100 percent of yourself all of the time, but expect nothing in return.

19. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

20. Drive like everyone else on the road is plastered drunk all of the time and you’ll be fine.

Well, I made it this far in life.  Thanks Dad, you’re the best.  Happy Father’s Day.

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